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What is Mothers Load? How does it Affect a Woman?

by | Motherhood

In even the most progressive of families, one member of the pair usually shoulders the lion’s share of the “thinking labor,” also known as the mental load.

mothers load

The mothers’ mental load refers to the unpaid work of caring for a home and family. Most of it falls on the shoulders of women. When we talk about the mental load, we’re not talking about the actual doing of the work but rather the monitoring of the workers doing the real work. It’s the responsibility of keeping track of everything that must be done in the household, ensuring everyone does their part, and keeping track of everyone else’s progress.

Walk through the article below, in which we will discuss the mental load and its effects on women.

How the Mental Load affects Women?

Unlike concrete, physical activities like cooking, cleaning, and mental load are challenging. This kind of work around the house is not only a drain on time and energy but also needs to be noticed. Therefore, women do not receive credit for their efforts in this area.

That the burden of job, family, and care responsibilities falls disproportionately on women’s shoulders may be traced back to a few universal characteristics. Although we’d like to think that gender roles are less rigid now, the fact is that women are still the primary caretakers at home and perform the bulk of the emotional labor required to keep things running smoothly.

The mental burden of being always vigilant is also crucial. Many women worldwide experience rape or an attempt at rape at some point in their life. Stories of violence against women are all over the media, which can affect a woman’s decision-making process, especially regarding her safety.

Signs you Carry the Invisible Load of Motherhood

Have you ever felt like you have to bear the weight of the home in your head? Some of how this strain manifests itself:

  • Constant anxiety or the sensation that there is always more to do.

  • You sometimes feel jealous of your partner’s ability to kick back and take it easy.

  • When your spouse asks how they can assist, you become frustrated because you feel like they should already know.

  • You may find that your partner constantly bombards you with inquiries about anything and everything, from when you have an appointment and how the kids are doing to what’s for dinner and who has to wash the dishes.

  • Sometimes you can’t keep up with all that’s been put on your plate.

5 Ways the Mental Load Impacts Parents’ Health

Do you feel physically drained after reading that list of mental load activities and the symptoms you carry them? Think about the impact on your sanity!

mothers load

Anxiety, depression, memory gaps, sleep deprivation, headaches, and even substance abuse can result from bearing an unjust portion of the unseen burden.

Anxiety and Depression

Because there is so much to keep track of, the mental strain of parenting and housework can induce anxiety in some people. Chronically stressed people may have anxiety symptoms such as concern, racing thoughts, restlessness, and irritability.

When you carry the bulk of the mental burden, you may experience feelings of pessimism or depression due to feeling devalued or disregarded—even more motivation to divide and conquer.

Sleep Deprivation

It has been said that sleep deprivation is a normal part of becoming a parent. But sleep deprivation can have lasting consequences far beyond the infant years. The Sleep Foundation reports that women lose almost an hour of sleep every night after having children. Parents’ sleep habits also don’t go back to how they were before having a child until their kid is about six years old.

The emotional and physical chores of parenting and the weight of constant parental guilt can make it difficult for parents to get enough shut-eye. Tiredness is a problem in and of itself, but it may also lead to additional problems, including irritation, a lowered immune system, and distance from loved ones.

Memory Gaps

If you keep forgetting your weekly conference call and can’t recall that your misplaced glasses are perched atop your head, be assured that you are not going crazy. Just remember that mental strain is the cause of your memory loss. As moms take on more of the mental burden of child-raising, they risk developing symptoms of “mommy brain” and, in extreme cases, postpartum exhaustion. Therefore, you should only indulge in age appropriate chores.

Those who suffer from this condition always feel tired, and no amount of sleep seems to help. It causes forgetfulness and an inability to focus.


More frequent headaches have been linked to elevated estrogen levels. Hormonal swings are a known trigger for persistent headaches and migraines.

This is common in the weeks leading up to menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, perimenopause and menopause, and even hormonal contraception. It is also possible to experience this side effect when undergoing gender confirmation treatment. Frequent headaches may be attributed to fatigue, stress, and sleep deprivation caused by the mental burden.

women's mental load

A parent’s mental workload may wreak havoc on their physical health, triggering a “fight or flight” response in the body.

Never forget that every part of your body is interconnected. Fulop has linked stress-induced muscular tension in the neck, upper back, and shoulders to the development of tension headaches by pulling on the skull’s base. When you have trigger points, even in one part of your body, it might affect how you feel in another.

Substance Use Disorder

A high mental load is often accompanied by tensions and emotional burdens that might encourage some people to use drugs like alcohol to cope. While it’s great to occasionally enjoy a glass of wine with dinner or a movie, excessive consumption can lead to severe problems. Several symptoms can indicate substance abuse.

  • When intoxication from drugs and alcohol disrupts the normal functioning

  • Cut ties with loved ones

  • The inability to take care of routine, everyday tasks

How to Ease Your Mental Load

When parents are overreacting by trying to micromanage their children’s every move, the best course of action is for them to back off. That’s not always easy to accomplish, especially if parents feel uncomfortable asking for help or need to know who to turn to for it. However, there are strategies for reducing mental strain.

Draw Boundaries

Saying “no” to activities that don’t serve your needs or that you don’t have the resources to handle is an excellent way for parents to assist themselves. Recognizing boundaries and not pushing beyond them is crucial to keeping up appearances. Setting healthy limits also enables you to prioritize self-care.

Discuss with your Partner

Communicate honestly and truthfully about the nature of the mental burden, how it has affected you, and your motivations for seeking a shift in the relationship.

You need to talk seriously about it, not just a quick remark or a desperate plea for aid when you are wiped out. To make a genuine commitment to helping in cognitive tasks, your spouse must fully appreciate the nature of your emotional burden.

Recognizing this facet of housework can pave the way for couples to take action within their relationships to remedy imbalances. When we have a better understanding of what goes into the category of “invisible tasks” and which parts seem to be the most taxing, we may begin to think about solutions.


All relationships thrive on open lines of communication. One partner must talk about how you both feel about the housework and how you can each do your bit to make the household management run smoothly.

Your husband can take on some of the household responsibilities. Depending on their ages, have your children participate in household labor. Create a systematic approach to assigning responsibilities. Your son may be responsible for the dishes, your daughter for the dog, and your spouse for the weekly grocery shopping.

As a group, you may arrange your meals. That way, you can guarantee that every mealtime is pleasant for all your guests.

Create a monthly calendar to keep track of everyone’s plans and milestones. They can then serve as a friendly reminder to one another of upcoming plans. Doing so can ease some of the mental burdens of motherhood and increase the likelihood that all tasks will be completed.

Make time for yourself.

Mothers are held in the same esteem as superheroes. However, even superheroes like you have their flaws.

Taking care of others with household tasks comes naturally to you, but who is looking out for you? Leave some room in your daily agenda for some “me time.”

You can rise before the rest of the world. Take advantage of the quiet house before the kids wake up and relax with a cup of coffee and a shower.

Check-in with your doctor regularly. Avoid doing anything that might jeopardize your health. When you are sick, who will take care of your family members? Do some pondering on that. Because of this, you must prioritize your health.

Get outside help when needed.

It’s possible that, at best, these remedies amount to a Band-Aid. A parent’s emotional well-being has far-reaching consequences, from their ability to manage their daily routine to the quality of their physical health. It’s OK to ask for aid when you need it.

There are times when you might feel like giving up as a parent. Choose to get assistance from someone other than yourself, whether a licensed professional, a local parent support group, or a virtual parent support group.

The time has come for caregivers to make breaks a routine. After all, kids are more concerned with having a parent who isn’t miserable than they are with having a parent who is.


The mental burden is the unseen effort put into family harmony via mundane but essential tasks like budgeting and scheduling. Women with this load often never get time to themselves during their employment.

Housework, meal preparation, and other physically demanding activities can add significant mental strain. Women’s health might be negatively impacted by having too much on their minds. As a result, they become dissatisfied and unhappy in their present romantic heterosexual relationships. And if left untreated, it can have severe consequences for a parent’s health. Limits, delegating, and asking for help are all helpful strategies for relieving one’s mental burden.

If you and your partner don’t talk about the stress you’re under and find a way to alleviate it, it might grow into a significant disagreement and drive you both crazy.

As a result, you must discuss it with your partner and devise a plan to address it jointly.


How to explain mental loads to my husband?

Talking about the problem is the first step in figuring out how to divide the work. Here are various ways to explain it to your husband:

Choose the right time. Pick a moment when you won’t be interrupted and can concentrate. Give your conversational partner a heads-up that you want to discuss something serious.

Get on the same page. For starters, bringing up a value you both hold dear: the need for fairness in your partnership. In this situation, you may say, “I know you value contributing equally to our relation, and I think you may not understand I have more duties that go unrecognized.”

Talk about your problem instead of directly blaming him. This involves emphasizing your perspective rather than placing blame on the other party. As an alternative to “You harmed me,” you may say something like, “I feel hurt when you…”

Why do mental burdens fall on women?

As a consequence of our patriarchal past, this is a problem today. Mothers are frequently counted on to do these roles, whether they enter the workforce or want to hear stay at home mom.

While it is true that women are disproportionately affected by these issues, the reality is that the burden may instead rest on the male home member depending on the dynamics of the family. It’s crucial to remember that in most families, just one member bears the brunt of the mental work.

Is mental load real?

The mental load and mental health issues are real. Sometimes it’s hard to see or detect. But it is still draining your energy levels and can affect your cognitive labor, spirit, and body. Work performance and interpersonal relationships are among the things that might suffer if stress isn’t controlled.

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